The Power of a Process Comment

The moment I heard that me shifting back in my couch had someone experiencing distance from me was the moment I started realizing how even subconsciously, I was doing the thing I most feared: creating distance before I even spoke. 

Let's set the scene. I was in a virtual process oriented group and I was trying to make myself comfortable on the couch. I scooched back but did not move my laptop closer to me. When it was my turn to speak, I stated that I in general had a hard time speaking up in groups. That I felt like others deserved to go first because what did it matter what I had to say. 

Then someone made the comment of experiencing my moving away (more than 30 minutes ago) as me not wanting to be part of the group. This hit me really hard because I didn't expect anyone to have even noticed. I immediately teared up.

Was I unconsciously engaging in ways that reinforced my belief that no-one cared what I had to say? 

Right before the comment was made, I realized I was making up a narrative of how close and connected everyone else felt but that it wasn't possible for me. Over time, I have slowly learned that making a mistake and potentially feeling excluded by speaking up is worth more than staying quiet and certainly not feeling part of the group. 

These types of stories and feelings likely don't arise when we're in one-on-ones or those who we are familiar with. They usually comes up when surrounded in larger groups of new faces and when we want to fit in.

This is the power of process oriented group work. Comments around how connected or disconnected one feels and the thoughts that arise in the moment as you hear someone sharing, help you to not only understand yourself better, but to decide what you will do with this information.

More about Process Groups:

Process groups operate in the here-and-now, allowing for relational exploration of the dynamics between group members in real time which fosters personal growth. Process groups are a reflection of our social environments and allow us to slow down interactions in real time and learn:

• about how we show up with others

• to identify blocks to vulnerability and authenticity

• how social roles shape us

• how to provide and receive honest, open feedback

Group therapy is like a social experiment.The main benefit of groups is the ability to receive feedback from more than just the group leader. Rarely, do we ever have the opportunity to actually learn how we are contributing to relational interactions and then get a chance to try out new ways of being to develop deeper, more meaningful relationships.

The other unique aspect of process groups is that they take on the shape of whatever the group members decide to bring to the table, even if there is a topics that unites them, no two groups will have the same discussions. There is no specific agenda, other than to bring up what you are feeling, thinking, and experiencing in the moment.

Groups run from 4 to 12 sessions. Cost per session is $70 for 80 minutes and $100 for 120 minutes.

Each member will go through a screening to ensure a good “fit” with the group. Limited sliding scale spots available, please inquire at consult.

If you would like to learn more or would like to sign up please email: info@ekaterinakapoustina.ca