Being a therapist doesn’t make you immune to relationship challenges
Couples therapy for partners who are queer, child-free by choice, exploring polyamory, or recovering from a betrayal
As therapists, we can feel like we’re supposed to have “perfect” relationships
The reality is, helping clients through emotions and being activated with your personal partners are two very different things. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a partner. In your own relationships, you’re too close to the situation, and that’s a good thing. It means you CARE!
As therapists, we’re helpful as third parties. When we’re removed from the situation, we can provide an unbiased, birds-eye view. In our personal lives, removing ourselves has consequences on all parties involved.
It takes a lot of bravery to speak from the place of longing rather than shame or criticism. I’m here to help you whenever you’re ready.
I’ll be your objective observer
As your couples therapist, I help you untangle the strings of your intertwined hearts.
There is no “one right way” to build a loving relationship
From polyamory to child-free-by-choice partners, I work with these types of relationships and concerns:
Couples, throuples, and polycules
Exploration of various relationship structures
Creating relationship agreements
Partners who are child-free by choice
Relationship milestone discrepancies
Queer partnerships
Broken trust
Emotional withdrawal
Conditional love or fear of committing
Physical, emotional, or digital betrayal
ADHD & neurodiversity
Desire mismatch
An EFT lens to dive beneath the surface of your relationship
I work with each of you, together as a unit, to help you understand how the underlying currents lead you to drift apart.
From there, we learn to catch the rip tides that carry you back to each other. There’s a reason why you find yourselves drifting away from each other during times of stress and uncertainty, feeling like you’re stuck in an endless loop. The common denominator is the relationship cycle.
I work from an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and attachment lens to help you uncover the core emotions that you probably don’t get to express as often as you would like and that your partner doesn’t get to see. The softer side of yourself deserves to be seen, and I’ll help you bring it out of the depths.
You won’t see me shying away from the following topics:
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Carrie Bradshaw said it best: “I think every couple has the right to make their own rules.”
Yet, many of us skip the step of getting clear on what fidelity means to each of us, and whether acts like flirting, sexting, or self-pleasure count as cheating. We make assumptions, and then when we enter gray zones, we assume that our definition is their definition.
I want to help you be honest with each other and create agreements that align with everyone. And to be able to come back to discussing these agreements as your relationship changes.
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Whether there has been a betrayal in your present relationship or fears of trust are sparked by past relational hurts, I agree with Irvin Yalom that “the past is part of your present consciousness - it forms the spectacles through which you experience the present.”
Through exploring narratives, emotions, and somatic experiences shaped by the past, we will re-establish safety and trust in the present.
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I think every person in the relationship deserves to have pleasure that is consent-based and no topic is TMI. I’m not a sex therapist, but I am sex-informed. This means that if I think some of your concerns are out of my scope, I will refer you to someone who may be able to support you better.
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In relationships, we need to know ourselves and be able to hold steady when we realize our partner differs from us.
Because there will always be times when you need to hear your partner tell you something that doesn’t align with your view. The things that drew you to your partner may also be the things that, down the line, you start to become frustrated with.
That’s the beauty of partnership. You come together knowing that your partner is not a replica of yourself.
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Anxiety about not being on the same page regarding relationship hopes and dreams is common. External stressors can add unintended pressure to your relationship and disrupt its natural rhythm. Together, we will slow down the tidal wave that is upon you and help you communicate what the fear and anger are trying to protect you from.
Fees, frequency, and format
Fee: $240 for 60 minutes & $330 for 90 minutes
Insurance: Couples and group therapy may be covered under insurance. I do not bill insurance directly. It is your responsibility to make sure you know your coverage. No one likes surprises, so I recommend you review your policy or call your insurance provider before the first intake session so that you’re not caught off guard.
Frequency of sessions: I usually recommend starting with weekly or bi-weekly sessions to help you make progress that leads you to feeling hopeful about the future of your relationship. When the time comes, we can talk about moving to monthly or bi-monthly check-ins.
Format: All sessions are held virtually via the Jane App, so you can join from the comfort of your home.
Next steps
Book a free consultation. We’ll discuss your concerns and ask me any questions you may have about my approach or how therapy works with me
Book an Intake Couples Session, followed by two Individual Intake sessions. These sessions are necessary for me to get an idea of your history as a couple and important events in your personal life that have had a significant impact on the ways you show up today.
Ongoing joint sessions for a determined amount of time. This will differ from relationship to relationship, however I would recommend being able to budget for at least 12 to 15 sessions especially if you have experienced significant hurts.
We reassess our progress and determine a plan together. As long as we are moving in a direction that you are happy with, we continue working on your outlined goals.
FAQs
Q: Who should attend the initial meet & greet?
If improving the intimate relationship is the goal, I encourage all partners who wish to be part of the therapy process to attend, to make sure that you feel comfortable working with me and so I can answer any questions you may have.
Q: What if my partner isn’t 100% on board to coming to couples therapy?
We can’t force or control someone into doing things they don’t want to do. However, you can express your desire to work towards feeling close and connected as you once felt. You can then follow this up by asking if they would be open to taking steps to working with you on ways to move towards going to therapy (such as spending time to find a therapist, locking in a budget, contacting insurance, scheduling a free consult, etc).
Q: We’re in a throuple/polyamorous relationship. Can you see all of us at the same time?
Absolutely! All partners who would like to improve their relationship to each other should attend sessions. To make things run smoothly, I would recommend all partners attend sessions together as a group from one physical location. For groups of 3 or more, I suggest scheduling 90 minute sessions to ensure enough time can be dedicated to exploring your concerns..
Q: How soon can we expect to see results?
This all depends on a lot of factors. Therapy is tailored to each couples' goals and it's impossible to predict how many sessions will be needed prior to initial assessment. We will discuss your goals and I welcome you to bring up anything that is and isn't working in our sessions to make sure we're on the right track. I will check in with you frequently and make sure we are on track and making progress. Some concerns such as betrayal, affairs, or substance use may require more sessions or a referral to individual therapy. At the very least, you will leave knowing more about yourselves.
Q: Is it normal to feel uncomfortable at the start of couples therapy? I’ve done individual therapy and it wasn’t this tough!
Couples work can bring about more emotional responses as you talk to your partner, not about your partner. Usually, in couples therapy, we may bring up topics that you haven’t discussed and with such topics difficult emotions may arise. This is natural, and part of couples work is to learn to be able to share and hear challenging things and navigate through them. If at any point in time you feel it’s too much, please let me know and we can work on emotion regulation strategies.
Q: Do you give homework?
Sometimes; it depends on the couple and what we are working on. My exercises are generally experiential in nature, not handouts for you to fill out. For every couple, my first exercise is to name your relationship dance (e.g., Hurricane, Merry-go-round, dance, enemy, etc).
Q: What is your cancellation policy?
I value our time together and commit to showing up to help you explore and change your patterns. Your time is reserved especially for you, and for that reason, I ask that you cancel or re-schedule your session 48 hours in advance to avoid being charged the full fee.
Q: What are your fees, and do you take insurance?
A: Fee: $240 for 60 minutes & $330 for 90 minutes.
Note on insurance: Couples and group therapy may be covered under insurance. I do not bill insurance directly. It is your responsibility to make sure you know your coverage. No one likes surprises, so I recommend you review your policy or call your insurance provider before the first intake session so that you’re not caught off guard.
Closeness doesn’t have to be something that only your clients deserve to experience.
Let’s tackle the unknown together with heart-led curiosity. Reach out to book your free 20-minute consultation and get the discussion started!